I`m tied. When will I be free again?
Coming home from an exchange year has brought many challenges. I was used to live on my own, nobody wanting to know where I was every second of the day. Nobody caring if I did all my homework. I had to do everything myself. I made lots of mistakes, but I learned from them. In reality if I could go back I would be on the first plane out of here.
I`ve been home for 2,5 months. Yesterday I actually left the house because I didn’t feel I could be there anymore. I needed to cool down. I didn’t get home before 11, fully knowing that I had a report due the next day. Well lets just say I was still awake at 2 AM.
Im 18 years old. My Mum still decides where I`m allowed to go. She knows where I am and what I`m doing anytime of the day. Not only does she know what I´m doing , but she has opinions about it. Actually she has opinions about everything, and if I do something she’s not happy about, you’ll be sure I won`t hear the end of it. The most interesting parts of my life, according to her, is how my room looks, when I go to work, if I’m doing my homework, and of course that I do exactly as she says.
I can’t have a normal conversation with her anymore, it always ends in a fight. My home feels smaller, not so cozy anymore, a lot more like a prison. My homework doesn’t just feel like a task my teacher gave me, but also a form of duty to my mother. Studying looses it`s meaning, am I doing it because I want a good grade or just out of fair of how much nagging i will hear the next day if i didn’t to it.
My home has become a minefield of judgment. Not one room Is safe, I`m not capable of walking a single path to the kitchen without something blowing up. I just hide, keep my head down. Not saying anything when we`re sitting around the dinner table keeps a lot of it away. Basically not saying anything is my new motto. I`m following rules that interfere with my way of living. I don’t know what to do. When will they listen?
When will I be free again?
I can’t wait much longer.
I NEED MY WINGS BACK, please
Yours sincerely, Birdy