How depressing is this? My mom and brother went to our cabin yesterday. My dad taking care of his boat. Basically what I’m saying is that I’m home alone for the weekend. Now, a normal teen would be having a party, going out with friends or at least have something to do. My day consisted of nothing, and the strange thing is I didn’t mind. My morning was great, I ate crap food for breakfast and I was consumed with the book “The Elite”. The second series in The Selection series. I recommend it to everyone who loves a little intrigue. Anyway yes I didn’t mind that much, but at the same time it hurts. It hurts that not a single person out there want to spend time with me. It seriously makes me wonder what is wrong with me.
Because I was home alone, I needed to go to the store to get some food. On my way down to the store I saw people outside my old classmates house. I cringed, realising I had no makeup on and was wearing baggy cloths. Not the way you want to look when you see people you know. Walking past them wasn’t an option and so I raised my hand to say hi. The group were all people from my old school. I knew I wasn’t friends with all of them but there were also faces I knew well. They were heading out and I watched them go off for some gathering of some kind. I wasn’t invited.
They were uncomfortable I was there, because they knew they didn’t want to invite me, and then feeling a little guilty about it, I hope they were feeling guilty. It broke me a little. Not because I really wanted to go to wherever they were headed, but because the feeling was familiar. It wasn’t even the first time this week someone had made me feel that way. In 2 months I`ve probably been out with friend 4 times.
Coming from a person with first hand experience, not having any friends suck. The scary part is the reason it sucks. It sucks because most people have this idea that they get form movies and society that you should be out doing something all the time. That you should have friends, especially when you`re young.
I decided today that I don`t want to spend time with people I don`t like. I`m not going to spend time with people just because I feel like I should. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to be sad because I don`t have someone I feel close to right now. Its not always easy being alone. I really want friends, everybody does. Unfortunately the only people I consider my friends are on the other side of the world. I`m different and I`m hard to love and I accept that. At least I’m trying to accept it.
Thanks for listening/reeding, it means a lot. The way I feel is indescribable, but if you have experienced the same thing, hold on, it can’t get much worse, right? And if anyone needs a friend I`m a good listener too.
Lots of hugs, V