Be aware rant is coming
Firstly: “So, what are you going to do after this year?”
Not one, not two, but three times TODAY I got asked the question about what I`m going to do with the rest of my life. I get it, my life is fascinating. People want to give the appearance of carrying. I`m sick of it. This question makes me want to just sit down on the ground and CRY. Because I honestly have no fucking idea of what I want. I can’t even choose what I want to eat for breakfast, nevertheless decide what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. Okay, I know that I can choose something and then later switch, but I can’t even choose what i want to do for a year. All of this terrifies me, but this question also bring along some other thoughts, like if I’m actually going to pass or how long I have to live at home. TERRIFYING I tell you. Cant people ask what I’m currently watching on Netflix instead?
Secondly: MY FAMILY
Now this is a fun one. My family is lovely. They have driven me to school every day these last weeks because the trains are on strike ( this is another problem in itself). So what might be the problem? Well, they have opinions on EVERYTHING. I can´t do one single thing without them judging me. I get compared to everyone else, and because I’m me, well I’m not the winner of that comparison. I just want to get out of this house, but I can’t because money is a thing. I love my family, but the best days I`ve had in Norway this year was when I was home alone.
School is the biggest bully in my life. It makes me think I’m not worth more than a number. So I have to go thru all these tests. The tests are different from every class, and every teacher marks them differently, but that number is now going to determine the rest of my life. I actually got really depressed because I got some bad grades. I got depressed because of one stupid number. How messed up is that. I believe that half my live is wasted on hating school.
The absolute worst. I`ve already told you whats wrong wit everyone else. Its my turn to get some critique. I am hot headed. I can blow up on my family for no apparent reason, and this does not help our relationship. I can’t seem to do my work. I`m horrible at doing homework or any type of schoolwork. My social skills are shameful. Really I don`t understand why I have any friends at all. I do so much stupid shit everyday that I don`t understand. Like pushing a perfectly decent guy out of my life, or not work on the things I see as important.
To conclude, I have many flaws, and absolutely no idea what my future holds. However I really hope I move out quickly. I realise that I`m to blame for a lot of my problems, but school can go shot itself. Have you ever thought about dropping school? I have, a lot. I do think I’m going to try and stick with it for a little longer. I have so much else to say but this is it for now. Give me a like if you got to the end, because that`s really impressive.